The Back Roads to Freedom

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Lately I have found my mind wondering back to the times I spent down the back country roads near my house. These roads gave me freedom to sing at the top of my lungs…and at other times these roads gave me a place to process thoughts that brought a steady flow of tears down my cheeks.

It has been a long time since I have taken one of these drives. Just my car, me, and the open road where it seems like there is endless possibilities, a thousand dreams to be pursued, and a million nostalgic memories to think about.

I am sitting here on my dorm bed in the mountains on a cold winter night, frustrated. I am in school, an amazing opportunity for my future…in which I have no idea what that looks like. I have amazing and influential professors, I am immersed in the knowledge at my fingertips, and the amazing and inspiring people who have come into my life here…but my heart is yearning for this open road…where my mind wanders freely without a worry or care of where I might be going or how long it will take me to get there.

I am starting to change back into the person who considers teaching English in another country, and thinks about taking long extended trips on little to nothing. I think about what it would look like to give up this structure, of school and assignments, and immerse myself into the adventure. right now. On Saturday, February 8, 2014 at 11:00 pm.

But then I think, even though I am not physically on the back roads at home…I once again feel my mind wander to the possibilities and adventures this life can hold. There is this resurrected feeling of a free spirit within me that exudes excitement over the things that lay ahead. I feel inspiration. I feel light. I feel joyful, and even giddy.

Outside what seems sometimes to be monotonous schooling where I don’t know what I want to do, therefore I have a hard time finding purpose in exactly what I am studying…I feel peace and joy and expectant for a life of adventure, within or without the U.S. With amazing people and amazing conversations that in me a passion I felt I have somewhat lost.

I feel the carefree feeling of the wind and warmth and sunshine like I used to feel on those summer afternoons driving into North Carolina…I feel it through the acknowledgement that even though sometimes my studies might seem monotonous, and hard to find purpose, this opportunity right now, right here in the mountains is just as an adventurous opportunity as any…because even though I might not be immersing myself into a completely different culture outside the U.S, or teaching English in another country, or living a life of travel on little to nothing…there is still the adventure of the unknown. 

I do not know who I will meet tomorrow. Or what I will do or encounter within the week. Anything can happen. And who knows, the people I meet and the events that might occur tomorrow could possibly shift my life into something I never thought possible.

This unknown, used to cause so much fear in me. It bound me in decisions and created anxiety, but now…Now it is causing a perspective of adventure in what used to seem like an exhausting life choice.

Who knows where I will be in a couple years from now. Here. There. Anywhere. With whom. For how long. What I will experience. Or what I will have learned. It all starts here. Today, in the unknown of tomorrow. And that is my adventure.

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